160

by Violet

I hope you are not alone on this day, and I promise not to hold it against you for not thinking about me. I hope you have a warm body to keep you company, and you cook her breakfast in the morning before you break her heart. I hope her sleepy eyes remind you of better days and your dreams are peaceful without my burdens.

I am sorry for placing you on a pedestal and allowing you to continue your criminal ways. I fell in love with your potential but I never knew it was your curse. Now I know why you never made promises, and how little love can be worth.

You don’t forget, you don’t heal, not completely, not ever. But the pain dims, doesn’t it? One day you wake up and it’ll occur to you how long it’s been since those old wounds have hurt. Then before you know it you’ll fall in love again with someone who is nothing like me. She’ll be broken in different ways, but the difference is you’ll still love her in the morning. You’ll love her even when all her wounds are open and she’ll crumble under your kindness the same way I did.

Perhaps it’ll be easier for you to shed a tear when I’m gone than to pick up the phone and ask if I’m surviving. We like to pretend we have control, but at the end of the day we’re all as lost as each other, drifting along till we find someone who keeps us afloat, because life is less scary when you have someone to hold.

Maybe that’s why I keep your number on my phone when reason demands that I erase it. Maybe when you read these words you’ll understand that it was never over for me, and it never will be. Knowing this terrifies me to the core.

I think I stopped missing you a long time ago, but I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing who you used to be.  Fate has its own way of playing us for fools, even if what we had was only a cruel jape of some twisted mastermind who likes to pretend he’s Cupid, tomorrow I’ll still remember the smell of your hair and the taste of summer you left. 

Advertisements