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by Violet

You came to her a hero, but filled her with doubt, and left her in despair; a coward’s tale.

She thinks because you didn’t love her she must have done something wrong. She’s still searching frantically for evidence of her mistakes, trying to make sense of your betrayal. She wants to understand why you needed someone else, when she had already given you everything. If freedom is what you truly crave, she wants you to stop playing games. She’s afraid you’ll run from place to place, collecting your jar of hearts, and when you finally meet the one you wish to keep, you won’t be able to explain what a monster you’ve been.

You spoke her name softly, like it deserved to be cherished, and had her fooled with your masterful display of false sincerity. She adored the way you talked, like you knew everything. A raw charisma and confidence, like you could rule the world while she stood by you and watched. Now she knows only strangers never stop acting. When you shared your fears she never once flinched away; when you cried she held you tightly. She should have known that was the beginning of goodbye.

If you said her name now if wouldn’t sound the same. The taste in your mouth would make you sick, the sounds that escape would make you ache. Still we form these words that mean so little, and listen for the abandoned memories they create. You whisper just in case she hears you from miles away, indulged in your hopeless cause of seeking solace in the broken remains. She could almost hear you say I’m sorry, but you turned away before she could ask you to stay.

Life doesn’t always grant you the courtesy to choose your own folly. Sometimes we’re chosen, pushed, or pulled into the cruel unknown. Last night she tried dreaming of you, only to be greeted by a startled face. She stared cooly at the unfamiliar hand that rested on your shoulder, and her anger began to boil again, making her shake. It wasn’t feigned outrage, but an uncontrollable resentment towards herself for still feeling this way.

You are clever but unwise; you are gentle but thoughtless; you are weak yet unbending.

You won’t call her till it’s too late.