by Violet

Being too trusting is a flaw in this world. Being too nice is also a flaw. Being a nice person can get you nowhere.

Growing up, there was a lack of nice people in my life. I don’t mean I grew up around bad people. They just weren’t very nice. There is a difference.

After my grandfather died, there was no one who was nice to me. 

The result? When I finally was old enough to choose for myself who to invite into my life, I clung to affection like it was a drug. I fell for every person who could make me smile.

I knew, I always knew, it was superficial. 

I knew it was false intimacy.

I knew they didn’t really care for me.

But I settled.

I settled for false intimacy so that for a few hours, a stranger would hold me and show me some kindness and make me feel worthy. 

It never occurred to me that I may deserve more than that.

But now I want more. Because I know I’m a good person. Despite what I’ve done, what I do, I’m a good person through and through, and I deserve more than your petty lies and cheap promises.