41

by Violet

For as long as I’ve known, my internal screams could only be appeased by setting pen to paper. Most of those thoughts were too awful to utter out loud. There was no one living my life. Hence, there was no one that could understand. 

My grandfather was a wise man. He knew better than anyone the hardships that life would bring, and did his best to protect me from his loved ones. I only wish he had lived long enough to see the ruins his darling daughter created. Constant criticism and a lack of affection, the sort of maternal glory you’d expect from a steak knife. Disappointments are not permitted, and achievements are not to be celebrated. Every day is just another reminder that tomorrow there will be more, and the worst is yet to come. 

I am alone in this world and sometimes I like it that way. No man to love, no friends to trust, no secrets to spill, no bodies to lust. I am alone in this world and sometimes it’s not very hard. No tears to shed, no partner to hug, no children to bear, no family to start. I am alone in this world and that is the sad truth for all of us. Every life is a tragedy waiting for funeral bells to ring stark, every soul is tainted until death purges you clean in the dark. 

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